(Fan Fiction) Ballad of The Damned, A Vampire Description

[Vanderghast]

Hello all on Druchii.net. Please tell me what you think of this description I have written for Vampires. I need feedback, so don't hesitate to post your comments.


Ballad of The Damned
A Vampire Description



The fangs sunk in, piercing the flesh and going deep. Soon Ghemadae Strephenio could taste the sweet blood, the crimson liquid dripping down his chin as he fed most greedily. It was the thing he craved, the lifeblood of his very existence. The blood nourished him, filling him with dreadful strength. The woman's eyes shut as she embraced death, her flesh going pale as the blood was drained from her veins.
The vampire dropped her lifeless body, and with a pale, cold hand he wiped the blood from his mouth. A rasp of chilly air escaped his dead lips, and he looked to the moons, smiling. His pointed fangs shined in the eerie light, wetted with the blood of his victim. Instantly he could feel it warm his body, strengthen his bones and sharpen his mind.
It was his time. It was night, in all it's cold, dark embrace. Now he was truly alive, a Child of Darkness roaming its domain. The town of Stillheim was his playground. The peasants knew that something lurked in the shadows at night, waiting, watching with eyes that shined like pinpoints from Hell. That is why almost nobody was out at night. Kalina had been brave enough to venture out, and the thing had come for her. Now, no people walked the streets, no hollow echoes of boots rang out. Only silence, broken up by the occasional gust of cold wind, whistling shrilly as it went by.
Ghemadae could easily be mistaken for a shadow, for he dressed as such. Black pants, shoes, shirt, and a long coat. All the colour of midnight. His features were handsome, and his hair, long and black like a corpse picking crow, gently flowing as he moved.
Undeath had given him supernatural grace, and enchanting magical abilities.
Like a spider he crept up a nearby wall, hands and feet sticking fast.
Like a hunter he smelled the air, cold tongue playing across his cold lips and pointed fangs as he eagerly sought out his prey. He listened to the song inside, the Ballad of The Damned, the thing that urged him to feed. The lust for warm blood was his only concern. Some looked upon the vampire with a romantic view, handsome, strong and living a life eternal. But under it all was a cold motive, cruel, uncaring, and surely unquenchable. For truly, deep down, the vampire is not a man, it is a beast, a ravening thing that lurks under the pale, dead flesh of something that was once a man, but no more.
It is a cunning monster, for it uses the eyes of men against themselves. When eyes lay upon this master of undeath, there are no black horns, no hides slick with blood, no snarling maws, barbed tails or cloven hooves. There is only a man empty of soul, and instead filled with evil and malice. All his darkness is kept within. Fear the vampire, for amongst the evils in the Old World, they are one of the strongest, and most certainly smartest of all the blights to pox our land. May the Lord Sigmar's holy Witch Hunters come down upon them with heavy hammer and sharp steel, lest they come for us, drink of our blood, and thus we are doomed to join them in the Ballad of Damned, and dance to its haunting tune for all time.

[Xerxes the merciless]

Awesome. Really really good. You need to write more. Alot more.

[Danceman]

you got pure talent... it really inspire me to write, continue write
i applaud you!

[Anaryin]

no comments, perfect

[Vanderghast]

I'm really glad you guys liked it. At the moment, I'm in writing competition over at Ulthuan.org (The Scrivener Contest) where I'm also known as Vanderghast. If you want to, you can check out my entry into the competition. Go to Forums, then Story Telling, and you'll find my entry, called Wheel of Fate.

Once again I'm really happy you liked it. I'll post another story soon.