Druchii warband, proposed fluff. (2)

[Ansob.]

Many dare not speak of the High Elves’ evil kin, the Druchii, or the Dark Elves as they are better known. They are a race for whom pain and pleasure have been pushed to the ultimate extreme. They leave destruction and despair in their wake and are more greatly feared than the barbaric Orcs and no less so than the tainted forces of Chaos and Undeath. To the victims of the Druchii, it is the fortunate to whom a quick death is gifted, for this twisted folk roam the Known World in search of slaves, to be worked to death in their mines, ripped apart on the altars to their god, Khaine, or tortured mercilessly by the Brides of Khaine, the Witch Elves. Dark Elves take a perverse delight in inflicting pain upon others just to see their victims suffer.
Gaining a foothold on the fog-shrouded shore of the Empire, the Druchii set up a makeshift port, where all members of their race are able to keep in touch with their homeland. From here, many druchii set out for the City of the Damned; many with common goals, and many with conflicting motives.

Plus points:
- intro bit presenting DE taken directly from the Lustria .pdf, adapted to fit Mordheim;
- short, simple and logical.

None of this is mine, by the way. First part I knicked from GW, second part belongs to Jhaelrnya.
Edit: version with Eöl's upgrade.

Many dare not speak of the High Elves’ evil kin, the Druchii, or the Dark Elves as they are better known. They are a race for whom pain and pleasure have been pushed to the ultimate extreme. They leave destruction and despair in their wake and are more greatly feared than the barbaric Orcs and no less so than the tainted forces of Chaos and Undeath. To the victims of the Druchii, it is the fortunate to whom a quick death is gifted, for this twisted folk roam the Known World in search of slaves, to be worked to death in their mines, ripped apart on the altars to their god, Khaine, or tortured mercilessly by the Brides of Khaine, the Witch Elves. Dark Elves take a perverse delight in inflicting pain upon others just to see their victims suffer.
Sent by their dark masters, the Dark Elves have established a port stronghold from which they have begun to ravage our homeland and scour the City of the Damned for artifacts to take back to the Land of Chill...

[Jhaelrnya]

Wow. I like what has been done to it. Of course I vote yes

[Eöl]

Sorry, voted 'no'.

Why? Well, I don't like the 'mysterious benefactor' bit. I think it would be better to state that these guys have been sent bby Malekith/Morathi to seek the Wyrdstone and bring it back home for whatever reason.

[Lethalis]

Of course not, few mortals know that those are the leaders (the few that do know it should fear the Witchhunters' wrath ).
I like it

[Eöl]

Ahh yes, now I remember. The Mordheim rulebook fluff is written from an Empire point of view. But it still sound poor, as does the phrase 'to please their new master'.

How about:

Sent by their dark masters, the Dark Elves have established a port stronghold from which they have begun to ravage our homeland and scour the City of the Damned for artifacts to take back to the Land of Chill.

[Silas]

Yeah, i agree with Eöl on the point of "to please their new master", but otherwise i like it. Tis good.

[Ansob.]

Sent by their dark masters, the Dark Elves have established a port stronghold from which they have begun to ravage our homeland and scour the City of the Damned for artifacts to take back to the Land of Chill.

Actually, I agree that this sounds better.

[Anaryin]

Nice for me Simple, small and nice

[Arquinsiel]

Again the port thing crops up. Still a small bit of a problem. Other than that pretty much okay although I thinik druchii should be more of a fairy-tale terror than an obvious threat like the orcs.

[Jhaelrnya]

Maybe add something about striking without provacation?

And the port thing isn't THAT big of a deal. I am sure somewhere on the Old World there is a sheltered druchii harbour. It makes sense to me...someplace they can shelter if need be. But, maybe not. Maybe ignore the port and change it to this:

Sent by their dark masters, the Dark Elves ravage our homeland and scour the City of the Damned for artifacts to take back to the Land of Chill. Striking without apparent provacation, rumors of a Dark Elf warband in the area can send chills down the most hardened veteran's spine.

[Eöl]

Jhaelrnya, perhaps remove the word 'apparent'. As this prose is written from the Empire's point of view, there should be no doubt that the Druchii are striking without provocation.

Who said books could not be written by committee???

[Arquinsiel]

As far as I know there is a secret elven port somewhere neark barak varn but that's an asur one. Apart from that, Mordheim is miles up the river stir, a tributary of the reik. A bit of a trek home each night no?

[Silas]

Perhaps they only go home on the holidays...

Anyway, i thought that the empire, like most races, dont know there is a difference between the Druchii and the Asur? In which case, from their point of view, they would all just be elves...right?

[Eöl]

Good point Silas. The Empire generally does not distinguish between the different flavours of Elves.

[Jhaelrnya]

Ah, but I think they can tell the difference when they are killing them,. High Elves (in fluff terms) usually leave them alone, unless they get in the way. Dark Elves will smash 'em good, and steal their babies for good measure. Plus, I am pretty sure even the empire can tell that when an Elf comes at them wearing darker colours, and with flesh hooks everywhere, they aren't sticking around to amke sure they are Asur...

I said apparent, as to the empire, there is no reason, but sometimes there could be...I don't know. Whatever fits best I guess. And I am begining to dislike the port, so we should leave it out (that long walk dissaudes me, nevermind my tiny 4cm tall dark elves).

[Ansob.]

Right, so what do we do about the port?
Concerning dark elves/high elves, this is written by scholars - the class of people who do know the difference.

[Silas]

Concerning dark elves/high elves, this is written by scholars - the class of people who do know the difference.

You mean the class of people who still argue as to whether Skaven exist or not? hmmm, yeah...i can see them being dead sure on the differences between the two...

[Lethalis]

Scholars in Mordheim...wouldn't they be mentally disturbed and gone mad by everything happening around them?

[Arquinsiel]

Exactly Lethalis. I think we should play on the lack of people with aplicable knowledge being around and resurect the "blurring the distinction between good and evil" idea in the previous version of this. Just have these elves who are for some reason moderately more ruthless than the average the humans are used to (bearing in mind that shadow warriors are the main type seen in Mordheim).

[Ansob.]

Exactly Lethalis. I think we should play on the lack of people with aplicable knowledge being around and resurect the "blurring the distinction between good and evil" idea in the previous version of this. Just have these elves who are for some reason moderately more ruthless than the average the humans are used to (bearing in mind that shadow warriors are the main type seen in Mordheim).

I prefer this version, but I was simply arguing in favour of another one. I'll rewrite the fluff, then.

[Ansob.]

None there are living who know the ways of the elves, save perhaps the mighty lizard-priests of the South whose knowledge and power is rumoured to grow far beyond that even of the High Mages of the College of Magic of Altdorf. Those few elves who roam the lands of the Empire are mysterious, their ways impenetrable to us.
There are those who, like Finubar the Proud, openly declare themselves Manfriend and help defend our glorious Empire from the encroaching forces of Chaos - too few of them, unfortunately. Of those, we know what they would have us know - their history and that of their families, and a little of the history of their land - the fabled island of Ulthuan. There are those who stalk the night, warriors who come cloaked in darkness and wielding bows, the death in their eyes mirrored in their prey as their life is snuffed out like a candle atop Brass Keep by one, well-placed arrow shot - of those we know little, save that they name themselves "Shadow warriors of Nagarythe" and, as their kindred of Ulthuan reassure us, they seek to do us no harm. There are those who protect the forests, defending them from touch of Chaos and Man alike.
There are also rumours of a fourth breed of elves - a grim race, ruthless and sadistic. They come at night in their low ships with sails of midnight-black, craving the poison that lurks within the now-ruins of Mordheim, the Weyrdstone of which all those who go to the Cursed City and return speak. They leave no witnesses, taking prisoner those who are able-bodied enough to toil under them in slavery, murdering the others.
Of course, such nonsense is only that - rumours, and nonsense, the delusional affabulations of crazed minds that have seen the taint of Chaos from too close. It may be that some elves are more ruthless than others, but they are just that - elves, and their ways are closed to us.

Any good? I apologise for any Stephen Donaldson influence in the writing, I've just been reading the First Chronicles of Thomas Covenant.

[Eöl]

Excellent bit of fluff to introduce Dark Elves.

And good choice of book - the Thomas Covenant novels are superb.

[Ansob.]

Excellent bit of fluff to introduce Dark Elves.

But perhaps too similar to the "No, Skaven do not exist." stance?

[Lethalis]

But perhaps too similar to the "No, Skaven do not exist." stance?

This is where you need to decide who wrote it. If it was an Empire 'scholar', this would be good.

[Eöl]

I think one should write the fluff from an Empire scholar's point of view; that is how the rulebook has gone about introducing each warband.