Wood Elf vs Druchii - my first story

[Lord ark'arn]

As the came over the hill, the noticed that their target was in sight. Brakarn and his army could at last see the one of great forest of Loren. Where their cousins, the Wood Elves live. He signalled to his mount, he faithful dragon, Marath, to fly up into the air.

Then he signalled a slow advance to the rest of his army. He knew that the Wood Elves knew he was coming, and he was prepared to defend himself. He was signalled by one of his Shades that he saw movement up ahead near the edge of the woods. He signalled a halt to his army. He signalled for his shades to move up ahead and check for any kind of ambushes. The he set his force marching off again.

When his army was about halfway there, he told his army to half, signalling to set up the Reaper Bolt Throwers. They would come into use later in the battle.

When all his forces were ready, he let out a great cry o his men to set forward and destroy anything in their path. As his forces were marching, a cloud of arrows were let loose upon his forces, as his men put up their shields in defence, he saw some Warhawks and a Great Eagle regiment take to the air.

He signalled for the Reaper Bolt throwers to let a hail of bolts into them. As anticipate, only a few were slain, but that didn’t bother him, as he let out another war cry, he whole army charged forward. He signalled for his mount to go towards the Warhawks and Great Eagles, and he saw them coming for him too. When they got close his mighty dragon stopped and started to inhale, and the Wood Elves looked ahead in terror as they saw they mighty beast open its mouth and exhale a deadly cloud of poisonous fumes that surrounded them all. When it disappeared, he saw that the riders were dying and were falling off their mounts and then the great birds started to fall too.

As Brakarn looked down he saw that his forces were heavily engaged into battle. As he surveyed what was happening, he noticed that he saw a group of Treemen coming down to flank his army. His dragon swooped down to his Bolt throwers and signalled to set their bolts alight and fire upon the Treemen. But it was too late, they were coming in too fast and they smashed into the flank of his army, so he signalled his executioners to handle them. Then a great ball of flame came straight for him, and would of hit him, had it not been for a quick thinking sorceress deflected the shot will one of her one spells.

Then he noticed that he was suffering heavy losses. He signalled to his sorceress to send a giant fireball into the forest. As he let it loose he told his Reaper Bolt Throwers to let a clouds of burning bolts into the Elven forest. As he saw the fireball he, he smiled with glee as he saw the Elven sorceress appear. He saw that he executioners were cutting the Treemen apart, bit-by-bit, and he was suffering acceptable losses now.

Then he saw a great beast appear from in the forest, a great forest dragon, and he knew that his dragon was no match for his, it was at least twice the size of his might steed. He signalled for his mount to go to the ground and fly back to the Reapers. As he looked ahead, he saw the Wood Elf lord dismount his dragon. As the two elves met, a bolt flew past Brakarn’s head and just by the Elven lords ear. Neither of them flinched. As the Elven lord started to swing his sword, Brakarn brought his up to parry the blow and then the to blades struck. Then the fighting got furious, with the tow men seem to be dancing with each other while two giant blades swing at each other. Then the Wood Elf lord spotted a chance to get Brakarn as he missed the Elven lord.

As the Wood Elf’s blade struck home and severely wounded Brakarn, he went down, expecting to be killed there and then, but to his surprise, as he looked up again, the Elf lord was gone, as he looked around, he saw a giant bolt sticking into a tree up ahead, and with what he could see, looked like the Elf Lord had been impaled by the bolt. He must have been unlucky to survive, but he couldn’t last long anyway. Brakarn picked up his blade and limped over to the Elven lord, he spoke to him.

“Now is your time for your people to die, it would have been a lot less painful if u have mad it easier for us.”

Brakarn to a might swing his weapon and then heard a thud on the ground. As he looked, he saw the Elf’s head; he bent down and picked it up. Then he turned to his army, who was just finishing the last of the Wood Elves off and let out a great cry of victory.



Please tell me if it was any good, i don mind it u tell m it is crap. if it is , tell me, cause then i dont have to waste my time writing, and spend more time painting.

[Draconis venomblade]

Well, It was kind of basic, in that you didn't include much description. Don't be afraid to embellish everything, use more advanced words and whatnot. Describe the glittering druchii host, their cruelly curved armor, polished to a brilliant shine. Without good desription, it can be only mediocre. The thing that hurt the story the most was repition of words: "He was signalled by one of his Shades that he saw movement up ahead near the edge of the woods. He signalled a halt to his army. He signalled for his shades to move up ahead and check for any kind of ambushes." Try using synonyms such as; directed and ordered. Lastly, just check your spelling and grammar, and make sure you don't use too many pronouns (he) witout saying who "he" is first. Just work on it a bit, or try again with something else if you don't want to edit your story.

[Lord ark'arn]

well, that settles i, ur right, i ant a good writer, best just stick to playing games, thanks n e way, it was worth it.

[Anaryin]

i dont think draconis meant that.. its nice, I started that way and see my story posted here... 30 pages long.. its a good work IMO. my first story was like that too, then i polished it and i got better and better. lol. it was against WE too. keep up and give us some more ok? cya

[Kaleth blackheart]

practice makes perfect.....so dont be to hard on yourself......if it makes you feel better i cant write stories to save my life.