This story is the beginning of what was discussed here.
***
Chapter 1 - In the Beginning
It all started many years ago. I’ll always regret the day that I had seen him. I could of objected from having to hear what he had to propose. However, my own naive and thoughtless thoughts drove me to see him, he was irresistible, I couldn’t stop myself. I wish I had now. If only I could of resisted the temptation. He corrupted me to the extent of execution, though he convinced me to hold on while he sort matters out for himself. I’m talking about Dread Marshal Edion Kara, the current Dreadlord of Har Ganeth at the time. He had only just came into power and he was exacting his authority over me which he thought he had plenty of. He was wrong, the stupid fool that he was.
However, he was much more cleverer than he looked. If you looked past the mysterious eyes, the delicate, unblemished and handsome face, you could see the cold, calculating egotistical scum which he was. Of course, this isn’t just about my former partner and nemesis. This is about my son, Kaedhron. I was foolish to let him live, I should of drowned him when I had the chance. If only I knew that my son would become the bane of my existence, that my son would become loved and hated by many, that my son would become the nightmare of all.
It all started on that fateful day...
Death Hag Vespith emerged from the Cauldron of blood, her naked body shivering as the cold winter air rushed in to reclaim her. She flicked her lustrous black hair out of her face, blood and sweat flew through the air and spotted around the edge of the cauldron. Gazing up into the midnight sky, she let the blood run off her body slowly, waiting patiently while knee deep in the rich crimson liquid. Feeling the magical properties swell up within her, Vespith felt as if she was going back in time. The world around her flashed and spun and the wrinkles upon her body slowly stretched out to leave nothing but smooth pale skin. She had ascended, like she had many times before.
A servant dashed up to Vespith as she took her first steps out of the cauldron, a mirror was quickly given to Vespith. Gazing at herself, Vespith smiled. She was beautiful again. Dropping the mirror to the ground - while amusing herself by watching the servant dive low to catch the mirror - Vespith spread her arms and exposed herself to what she was. She caught the eye of another servant, their eyes fixed firmly upon her blood drenched breasts. A flicker of anger came over her but she relented, she was far to happy with herself.
Instead she turned her head slightly towards the servant, “You should be admiring the ritual, not my chest you worm!” The servant snapped out of his trance and scurried away into the shadows, eager to hide his embarrassment and even possibly his neck.
A Hag approached Vespith, a goblet in one hand and a thin cloak in the other. The Hag handed over the goblet first which contained a green liquid which swilled about lazily, then the Hag draped the cloak over Vespith, covering her gorgeous body from the perverted eyes of all. Vespith licked the blood from her lips before downing the goblets contents. Dropping the goblet to the floor, Vespith fell to one knee. After a minute or so, she picked herself back up, tying a piece of cloth around her waist and chest. Walking over to the gore splatted throne before her, she sat herself down and smiled as a person would smile when they’ve just overcome a great hardship.
“My lady Vespith,” Came voice from behind her, “The documents you wanted the seven nobles to insignia and sign have arrived. They have agreed to donate 55% of their slave total from their raids to our temple.”
“Good.” Yawned Vespith, slouching slightly in her throne.
“Death Hag Krasel also wants you to join her for the evening blood festival, she requested in person actually.” The Hag licked her digits as she thumbed through the roster in front of her.
“Bah! Give her some excuse about me not having to go, I just performed the ritual and I’m all tired now.” Vespith yawned even louder than before.
“Oh, and Dreadlord Edion Kara wishes to see you now.” There was a long silence which followed.
“He is here now?”
“Yes, Lady Vespith, he’s just outside the doors.”
“Very well, send him in.”
The black iron doors swung open and in strode an elf of tall stature, a silver mane of hair flowed behind him as he made his long strides towards Vespith. She could already smell his scent as he walked in, winter flowers, a sweet scent to be wearing and only on the most important of occasions did people wear it. He was dressed in a long black robe with gold runes and markings along the side. Taking a deep bow, Edion started.
“Death Hag Vespith, it is truly an honour to finally meet you at last.”
Vespith smile warmly upon him, “It is more of an honour for me, to be meeting the current ruler of Har Ganeth.”
“I understand that you are also the main power and the top power of all the different temples within Har Ganeth?”
“You are correct.”
“Splendid.”
“If you do not mind Edion, I’m extremely tired and I’d love it if you got around to what business you had with me.”
“Of course. But I’d rather we speak in private, the matter in which I’d wish to consult is rather delicate.”
Vespith’s heart skipped a beat, what was that feeling which had come over her just for that brief second? “Very well. Follow me if you please.”
Edion followed close behind Vespith, his boots making no noise at all as they hit the black marble floors. Leaving the inner sanctum, the pair walked briskly down a narrow corridor aligned with stain glass windows which let the pale moonlight flood the corridor and illuminate the way. Arriving outside a dark oak door, they both entered before Vespith closed and locked the door behind them.
***
So, what are your thoughts so far? There is definitely more to come.
Saint of Khaine - Chronicles
Moderators: T.D., Drainial, The Dread Knights
Saint of Khaine - Chronicles
Last edited by Khel on Tue Dec 16, 2008 12:04 am, edited 2 times in total.
Saldrimek Xenan - WS6 / S4 / T3 / D5 / I3
Equipment: Executioners Axe (Rune of Beastslaying - Heroic Killing Blow), 2 Scimitars (Rune of Speed - Always Strike First), Dagger, Rune Branded Leather Armour, Executioner Helm, Fine Set of Throwing Knives (x4)
Inventory: Amulet of Darkness, Poison Vials x7, Deadly Poison Vials x8
Mount: Dark Steed
Gold: 163
Skills: Ambidexterity, Frenzy, Two Weapon Fighting, Ride
Class: Khainite
Equipment: Executioners Axe (Rune of Beastslaying - Heroic Killing Blow), 2 Scimitars (Rune of Speed - Always Strike First), Dagger, Rune Branded Leather Armour, Executioner Helm, Fine Set of Throwing Knives (x4)
Inventory: Amulet of Darkness, Poison Vials x7, Deadly Poison Vials x8
Mount: Dark Steed
Gold: 163
Skills: Ambidexterity, Frenzy, Two Weapon Fighting, Ride
Class: Khainite
Vespith closed the dark oak doors behind her, she stuck one of her fingernails into the locks mechanism to make sure the bolt had gone home. Turning around, she found to her annoyance that Edion had already taken the trouble of pouring himself some wine.
“Would you like some wine?” Asked Edion, holding up the bottle and giving it a little shake.
Vespith glared towards the Dread Marshal, “It is really I who should be asking you that question.”
“Of course, how silly of me. Here.” Edion pulled back a chair, motioning for her to sit.
Vespith flopped down into the chair and gazed towards Edion. She looked directly into his eyes, trying to unbalance him and make him uncomfortable. Taking a sip of wine, Edion plunged his hand into his robes, a moment later he pulled out a little booklet and threw it towards the Death Hag. Vespith caught it easily.
“What is this you so rudely show me?” Vespith slapped the book down onto the table.
“Read it, you shall see.” Edion took another sip of wine, hiding his smug smile behind his goblet.
Vespith grasped the book between her palms, the book seemed to be buzzing in her hands. Opening the book to the first page, Vespith’s mouth dropped open. She flicked to the next couple of pages, and then the next, she was then flipping through all the pages at once. Within the book was all the activities of her temple, it listed all that her temple had been up to, the total savings her temple had and what they had been spending it on. It also had the evidence of the assassinations her temple had performed upon a few certain high standing individuals.
“How did you get this?” Snarled Vespith standing up, in her haste she knocked over her chair.
“That doesn’t matter now. Now is the time of bargaining and reasoning. Sit down Vespith.” Edion downed the last drops of wine from his goblet.
Vespith picked her seat up, furious that she was getting orders from such a person within her very own temple. But she had to listen to what he had to propose.
“I take it you’re trying to blackmail me?” Vespith growled as she took her seat once again.
“Well you could put it like that, I suppose.”
“What do you want from my temple?”
“Ah... Good. So you understand the predicament in which you are in. I want you swear fealty to me alone.”
Vespith felt her blood begin to boil, she felt as if she would jump up and murder this elf. But too many people had seen her take Edion into this room and lock the door. She would be surely executed.
“Is that all you want?”
“Hm, apparently you do not know the benefits of swearing fealty to me really are. If you did, then you would know that my soldiers would have free reign in your temple, they could do what they want, take what they want.”
“Impossible! If I swore fealty to you alone, then only you could do whatever you wished.”
“Yes, but I could give orders to my soldiers to do what they wanted within your temple. If anyone opposed, then they would go to you and you would tell them that my soldiers are allowed because they are doing what I told them on my orders and you wouldn’t dare oppose me.”
“I could just deny that I ever swore fealty to you, your plan would be ruined.” Vespith let herself smile for a second. A bad mistake.
Edion’s lips curled into a grimace and his fists clenched, “But the book my dear. The book in which I could give to any of your rivals would mean they had the rite to execute you. Your temple would be disgraced, you would be dead and I would be richer than before.”
Without hesitation, Vespith hurled the book into the fireplace behind them. The book was quickly engulfed within the inferno.
“Do you really think I’d be that stupid to let the one thing in which all my plans relied upon be destroyed? I’ve put wards on that book which make it almost impregnable to destruction.” Edion let out a long, cold laugh.
Vespith lowered her head to her chest, she stared down at the marble floor for a few seconds, trying to find a way to escape this nightmare. Spotting the dagger at her belt, she looked her her shoulder, Edion was still laughing. Slowly taking the dagger from her belt, she lunged towards Edion.
Suddenly, she was frozen within mid air. Vespith felt as she floated higher into the air. She was paralysed by a magical force. Regaining her composure, Vespith looked down at Edion. He was pointing his finger directly at her and she could see the heat haze which radiated around his finger.
“You... Can use magic?” Vespith managed to choke the words past her astonishment. “You foul sorcerer!”
“Don’t think you can bully me Vespith. I have all the power I could ever desire, but now all I need is the psychical power. The power of arms, the power of all Har Ganeth!” Edion let out a cold chuckle. “Now,” Edion held out his other hand, his insignia ring shone brightly upon his middle finger, “Are you going to swear fealty to me?”
Now it was Vespith’s turn to let out the cold chuckle. Even though she was immobilised, she looked Edion straight in the eye.
“I’ve just thought of something... If I don’t swear fealty to you, then you’ll kill me. You’ll have no other choice. If I die, then you’ll have to find someone else of my power and you’ll have to spend the next few months figuring out their operations. By that time you would of been assassinated by the remnants of my temple,” Vespith felt her mind spinning, “Your plan is going to fail miserably Edion.” Vespith let out a long shrill laugh which echoed around the room.
Edion bowed his head in shame. He started to shake slightly and Vespith swore he could of been crying. Suddenly, Edion razed his head again, his evil smile evident across his features.
“I should of guessed someone of your intellect would be able to see the weak points in my plan. Congratulations,” Edion allowed Vespith the opportunity for a winning smile, “But I think it is time for me to start my fall back plan.”
All the blood drained from Vespith’s face, “A fall back plan... How could you possibly ha...” Vespith didn’t finish her sentence because she felt her world spinning out of her control. Feeling nothing but despair, Vespith’s mind collapsed into the darkness.
“Would you like some wine?” Asked Edion, holding up the bottle and giving it a little shake.
Vespith glared towards the Dread Marshal, “It is really I who should be asking you that question.”
“Of course, how silly of me. Here.” Edion pulled back a chair, motioning for her to sit.
Vespith flopped down into the chair and gazed towards Edion. She looked directly into his eyes, trying to unbalance him and make him uncomfortable. Taking a sip of wine, Edion plunged his hand into his robes, a moment later he pulled out a little booklet and threw it towards the Death Hag. Vespith caught it easily.
“What is this you so rudely show me?” Vespith slapped the book down onto the table.
“Read it, you shall see.” Edion took another sip of wine, hiding his smug smile behind his goblet.
Vespith grasped the book between her palms, the book seemed to be buzzing in her hands. Opening the book to the first page, Vespith’s mouth dropped open. She flicked to the next couple of pages, and then the next, she was then flipping through all the pages at once. Within the book was all the activities of her temple, it listed all that her temple had been up to, the total savings her temple had and what they had been spending it on. It also had the evidence of the assassinations her temple had performed upon a few certain high standing individuals.
“How did you get this?” Snarled Vespith standing up, in her haste she knocked over her chair.
“That doesn’t matter now. Now is the time of bargaining and reasoning. Sit down Vespith.” Edion downed the last drops of wine from his goblet.
Vespith picked her seat up, furious that she was getting orders from such a person within her very own temple. But she had to listen to what he had to propose.
“I take it you’re trying to blackmail me?” Vespith growled as she took her seat once again.
“Well you could put it like that, I suppose.”
“What do you want from my temple?”
“Ah... Good. So you understand the predicament in which you are in. I want you swear fealty to me alone.”
Vespith felt her blood begin to boil, she felt as if she would jump up and murder this elf. But too many people had seen her take Edion into this room and lock the door. She would be surely executed.
“Is that all you want?”
“Hm, apparently you do not know the benefits of swearing fealty to me really are. If you did, then you would know that my soldiers would have free reign in your temple, they could do what they want, take what they want.”
“Impossible! If I swore fealty to you alone, then only you could do whatever you wished.”
“Yes, but I could give orders to my soldiers to do what they wanted within your temple. If anyone opposed, then they would go to you and you would tell them that my soldiers are allowed because they are doing what I told them on my orders and you wouldn’t dare oppose me.”
“I could just deny that I ever swore fealty to you, your plan would be ruined.” Vespith let herself smile for a second. A bad mistake.
Edion’s lips curled into a grimace and his fists clenched, “But the book my dear. The book in which I could give to any of your rivals would mean they had the rite to execute you. Your temple would be disgraced, you would be dead and I would be richer than before.”
Without hesitation, Vespith hurled the book into the fireplace behind them. The book was quickly engulfed within the inferno.
“Do you really think I’d be that stupid to let the one thing in which all my plans relied upon be destroyed? I’ve put wards on that book which make it almost impregnable to destruction.” Edion let out a long, cold laugh.
Vespith lowered her head to her chest, she stared down at the marble floor for a few seconds, trying to find a way to escape this nightmare. Spotting the dagger at her belt, she looked her her shoulder, Edion was still laughing. Slowly taking the dagger from her belt, she lunged towards Edion.
Suddenly, she was frozen within mid air. Vespith felt as she floated higher into the air. She was paralysed by a magical force. Regaining her composure, Vespith looked down at Edion. He was pointing his finger directly at her and she could see the heat haze which radiated around his finger.
“You... Can use magic?” Vespith managed to choke the words past her astonishment. “You foul sorcerer!”
“Don’t think you can bully me Vespith. I have all the power I could ever desire, but now all I need is the psychical power. The power of arms, the power of all Har Ganeth!” Edion let out a cold chuckle. “Now,” Edion held out his other hand, his insignia ring shone brightly upon his middle finger, “Are you going to swear fealty to me?”
Now it was Vespith’s turn to let out the cold chuckle. Even though she was immobilised, she looked Edion straight in the eye.
“I’ve just thought of something... If I don’t swear fealty to you, then you’ll kill me. You’ll have no other choice. If I die, then you’ll have to find someone else of my power and you’ll have to spend the next few months figuring out their operations. By that time you would of been assassinated by the remnants of my temple,” Vespith felt her mind spinning, “Your plan is going to fail miserably Edion.” Vespith let out a long shrill laugh which echoed around the room.
Edion bowed his head in shame. He started to shake slightly and Vespith swore he could of been crying. Suddenly, Edion razed his head again, his evil smile evident across his features.
“I should of guessed someone of your intellect would be able to see the weak points in my plan. Congratulations,” Edion allowed Vespith the opportunity for a winning smile, “But I think it is time for me to start my fall back plan.”
All the blood drained from Vespith’s face, “A fall back plan... How could you possibly ha...” Vespith didn’t finish her sentence because she felt her world spinning out of her control. Feeling nothing but despair, Vespith’s mind collapsed into the darkness.
Saldrimek Xenan - WS6 / S4 / T3 / D5 / I3
Equipment: Executioners Axe (Rune of Beastslaying - Heroic Killing Blow), 2 Scimitars (Rune of Speed - Always Strike First), Dagger, Rune Branded Leather Armour, Executioner Helm, Fine Set of Throwing Knives (x4)
Inventory: Amulet of Darkness, Poison Vials x7, Deadly Poison Vials x8
Mount: Dark Steed
Gold: 163
Skills: Ambidexterity, Frenzy, Two Weapon Fighting, Ride
Class: Khainite
Equipment: Executioners Axe (Rune of Beastslaying - Heroic Killing Blow), 2 Scimitars (Rune of Speed - Always Strike First), Dagger, Rune Branded Leather Armour, Executioner Helm, Fine Set of Throwing Knives (x4)
Inventory: Amulet of Darkness, Poison Vials x7, Deadly Poison Vials x8
Mount: Dark Steed
Gold: 163
Skills: Ambidexterity, Frenzy, Two Weapon Fighting, Ride
Class: Khainite
Vespith awoke in her bed, her head hurt from the magic which had passed through it the night before. She sat up and glanced towards the window. The morning rays of Har Ganeth shone through the window and flooded her bedroom in bright, clear light.
“That bastard Edion ...” Vespith rubbed her head soothingly.
She suddenly spotted a small piece of paper on her bed side table. The insignia of Edion - A green and gold dragon - was neatly portrayed upon the front of the note. Vespith picked up the note, her delicate fingers tore through the seal with ease. Unfolding the note, Vespith was puzzled by the note.
I have the greatest of all holds over you. You should be thankful I allowed you to live. You shall know the hold I have over you soon enough.
Vespith shuddered as she read the last sentence. What hold could Edion Kara have over her? A sudden knock at her door interrupted her thoughts.
“Speak your purpose!” Called Vespith, hurriedly putting on a robe.
“Do I need a purpose to speak to you, Vespith?” Came a familiar voice from behind the door.
Smiling, Vespith opening the door to reveal the face of Makra. Beckoning Makra to come in, Vespith drew up a seat where they both sat down.
Makra was currently the master of adept trainees. He trained the assassins and the elite executioners and he had the scars to prove it. He was strict with his training, he was known for having his entire class of pupils fight to the death against each other just to find out who was the most skilled amongst them. Makra wore a long green and purple robe which flowed down his body and stopped at his shins. His hood was almost always turned upward, obscuring his face from the world, but he’d always drop his hood for old friends. Makra carried a long staff with two crescent moon shaped blades at the top.
“How have you been Ves?” Asked Makra, his white hair falling messily over his face as his hood was lowered.
“Edion Kara paid me a little visit last night,” Vespith sucked her index finger as she spoke.
“Ah yes. Dread Marshall Edion Kara, son to Draneth the Asur-Slayer. What did he want?”
“Nothing really,” Lied Vespith, “He actually knows magic however.”
Makra’s mouth dropped open and he almost fell out of his chair, “What!? Are you going to report it?”
“Probably not ...”
“By Khaine! Why not!?” Spat Makra
“Look,” Vespith passed the note from before across to Makra, “I found it this morning.”
Makra’s face clouded over as he studied the note.
“Do you want me to look into this matter?” Makra pocketed the note within an instant.
“No... The only thing we can do in this matter is wait and see what he has planned.” Ves stood up as Makra left for the door.
“The only thing we can do is wait?” Asked Makra, turning before the door.
Vespith nodded, with that, Makra left hurriedly. His footsteps echoing off the walls of the marble floor.
***
Nine months later ...
Makra strode down the dark hallway. He was now in the restricted part of the Temple which only three people had access to. A retainer stood walked next to Makra, trying to keep up in pace with Makra’s natural long steps.
“I’ll continue on my own.” Makra dismissed the retainer as they both came to a black iron door with many runes sprawled across the hinges.
Makra waited until the retainer had left fully before turning back to the door. Reading the runes quietly to himself, Makra readied a small dagger in his hand. As he reached the final rune of incantation, he sliced his open palm with the dagger. A dark red line showed up on his palm before the crimson liquid started to bleed from his wound. Pushing his palm into the middle of the door, Makra felt the hinges move slightly as the blood ran down the hinges and into the lock mechanism within the door. Taking his hand back, Makra then pushed a small amulet into another empty space on the wall, more cracks and snicks could be heard as the doors locks gave way. Lastly, Makra tapped random runes which ran their way around the door. On the last tap, the door melted away and revealed another hallway with a small oak door at the end of the passage.
Makra stepped through the archway and as soon as he had passed through the archway, the door immediately sealed up the entrance. Makra sighed and walked quickly towards the oak door. As he reached the door, a panel slid open and a crossbow was poked out.
“State your purpose.” Hissed a voice from the other side of the door.
“Vespith asked for me.” Replied Makra, staring at the crossbow as if he was in a trance.
The door opened and Makra was hurried through.
Makra paused and waited until his eyes adjusted to the light. Looking into the center of the room, Makra couldn’t believe what he saw. There, upon a blood stained table, was Vespith. The sound of a small child crying echoed around the room. A figure who was dressed in a brown apron bathed a child in a small water trough at the side of the small room.
“What’s the meaning of this!?” Choked Makra.
“It’s a boy.” Sighed the Druchii in the brown apron.
“Makra,” Vespith was worn out, she was terribly fatigued, “I asked you here ... For a reason ... I want you ... To .... Kill the baby.”
Makra was horrified, but he could still see the logical sense which Vespith had. If they didn’t kill he baby, they’d all be executed for sure.
“Give me the baby.” Growled Makra, the Druchii in the brown apron quickly handed the baby across.
Makra walked over to the trough, the baby crying even louder. Makra held the new born inches above the water, steadying himself. Just before he dropped the baby, Makra noticed its chest. Glowing brightly upon its chest was, or what looked to be, a rune of Khaine. Splashing some of the water onto the babies chest, Makra studied the glowing emblem. It was like a red hot brand mark upon the babies chest. It was hard to make out but it was definitely a rune of Khaine. Makra snatched up a cloth and wrapped the baby up tightly, almost immediately the baby stopped crying. It suddenly hit Makra what the emblem was. It was a birth mark.
Turning around, Makra looked straight at Vespith, his eyes glowing with fear and respect.
“I cannot kill this ...” Makra gave the baby to the exhausted Vespith.
Vespith was almost as shocked to see the birth mark as Makra was.
“What shall you call him?” Asked the Druchii in the apron.
“Kaedhron ...” Whispered Vespith with a smile.
***
End of Chapter 1
Chapter 2, coming soon.
“That bastard Edion ...” Vespith rubbed her head soothingly.
She suddenly spotted a small piece of paper on her bed side table. The insignia of Edion - A green and gold dragon - was neatly portrayed upon the front of the note. Vespith picked up the note, her delicate fingers tore through the seal with ease. Unfolding the note, Vespith was puzzled by the note.
I have the greatest of all holds over you. You should be thankful I allowed you to live. You shall know the hold I have over you soon enough.
Vespith shuddered as she read the last sentence. What hold could Edion Kara have over her? A sudden knock at her door interrupted her thoughts.
“Speak your purpose!” Called Vespith, hurriedly putting on a robe.
“Do I need a purpose to speak to you, Vespith?” Came a familiar voice from behind the door.
Smiling, Vespith opening the door to reveal the face of Makra. Beckoning Makra to come in, Vespith drew up a seat where they both sat down.
Makra was currently the master of adept trainees. He trained the assassins and the elite executioners and he had the scars to prove it. He was strict with his training, he was known for having his entire class of pupils fight to the death against each other just to find out who was the most skilled amongst them. Makra wore a long green and purple robe which flowed down his body and stopped at his shins. His hood was almost always turned upward, obscuring his face from the world, but he’d always drop his hood for old friends. Makra carried a long staff with two crescent moon shaped blades at the top.
“How have you been Ves?” Asked Makra, his white hair falling messily over his face as his hood was lowered.
“Edion Kara paid me a little visit last night,” Vespith sucked her index finger as she spoke.
“Ah yes. Dread Marshall Edion Kara, son to Draneth the Asur-Slayer. What did he want?”
“Nothing really,” Lied Vespith, “He actually knows magic however.”
Makra’s mouth dropped open and he almost fell out of his chair, “What!? Are you going to report it?”
“Probably not ...”
“By Khaine! Why not!?” Spat Makra
“Look,” Vespith passed the note from before across to Makra, “I found it this morning.”
Makra’s face clouded over as he studied the note.
“Do you want me to look into this matter?” Makra pocketed the note within an instant.
“No... The only thing we can do in this matter is wait and see what he has planned.” Ves stood up as Makra left for the door.
“The only thing we can do is wait?” Asked Makra, turning before the door.
Vespith nodded, with that, Makra left hurriedly. His footsteps echoing off the walls of the marble floor.
***
Nine months later ...
Makra strode down the dark hallway. He was now in the restricted part of the Temple which only three people had access to. A retainer stood walked next to Makra, trying to keep up in pace with Makra’s natural long steps.
“I’ll continue on my own.” Makra dismissed the retainer as they both came to a black iron door with many runes sprawled across the hinges.
Makra waited until the retainer had left fully before turning back to the door. Reading the runes quietly to himself, Makra readied a small dagger in his hand. As he reached the final rune of incantation, he sliced his open palm with the dagger. A dark red line showed up on his palm before the crimson liquid started to bleed from his wound. Pushing his palm into the middle of the door, Makra felt the hinges move slightly as the blood ran down the hinges and into the lock mechanism within the door. Taking his hand back, Makra then pushed a small amulet into another empty space on the wall, more cracks and snicks could be heard as the doors locks gave way. Lastly, Makra tapped random runes which ran their way around the door. On the last tap, the door melted away and revealed another hallway with a small oak door at the end of the passage.
Makra stepped through the archway and as soon as he had passed through the archway, the door immediately sealed up the entrance. Makra sighed and walked quickly towards the oak door. As he reached the door, a panel slid open and a crossbow was poked out.
“State your purpose.” Hissed a voice from the other side of the door.
“Vespith asked for me.” Replied Makra, staring at the crossbow as if he was in a trance.
The door opened and Makra was hurried through.
Makra paused and waited until his eyes adjusted to the light. Looking into the center of the room, Makra couldn’t believe what he saw. There, upon a blood stained table, was Vespith. The sound of a small child crying echoed around the room. A figure who was dressed in a brown apron bathed a child in a small water trough at the side of the small room.
“What’s the meaning of this!?” Choked Makra.
“It’s a boy.” Sighed the Druchii in the brown apron.
“Makra,” Vespith was worn out, she was terribly fatigued, “I asked you here ... For a reason ... I want you ... To .... Kill the baby.”
Makra was horrified, but he could still see the logical sense which Vespith had. If they didn’t kill he baby, they’d all be executed for sure.
“Give me the baby.” Growled Makra, the Druchii in the brown apron quickly handed the baby across.
Makra walked over to the trough, the baby crying even louder. Makra held the new born inches above the water, steadying himself. Just before he dropped the baby, Makra noticed its chest. Glowing brightly upon its chest was, or what looked to be, a rune of Khaine. Splashing some of the water onto the babies chest, Makra studied the glowing emblem. It was like a red hot brand mark upon the babies chest. It was hard to make out but it was definitely a rune of Khaine. Makra snatched up a cloth and wrapped the baby up tightly, almost immediately the baby stopped crying. It suddenly hit Makra what the emblem was. It was a birth mark.
Turning around, Makra looked straight at Vespith, his eyes glowing with fear and respect.
“I cannot kill this ...” Makra gave the baby to the exhausted Vespith.
Vespith was almost as shocked to see the birth mark as Makra was.
“What shall you call him?” Asked the Druchii in the apron.
“Kaedhron ...” Whispered Vespith with a smile.
***
End of Chapter 1
Chapter 2, coming soon.
Saldrimek Xenan - WS6 / S4 / T3 / D5 / I3
Equipment: Executioners Axe (Rune of Beastslaying - Heroic Killing Blow), 2 Scimitars (Rune of Speed - Always Strike First), Dagger, Rune Branded Leather Armour, Executioner Helm, Fine Set of Throwing Knives (x4)
Inventory: Amulet of Darkness, Poison Vials x7, Deadly Poison Vials x8
Mount: Dark Steed
Gold: 163
Skills: Ambidexterity, Frenzy, Two Weapon Fighting, Ride
Class: Khainite
Equipment: Executioners Axe (Rune of Beastslaying - Heroic Killing Blow), 2 Scimitars (Rune of Speed - Always Strike First), Dagger, Rune Branded Leather Armour, Executioner Helm, Fine Set of Throwing Knives (x4)
Inventory: Amulet of Darkness, Poison Vials x7, Deadly Poison Vials x8
Mount: Dark Steed
Gold: 163
Skills: Ambidexterity, Frenzy, Two Weapon Fighting, Ride
Class: Khainite
-
Drainial
- Prophet of Tzeentch
- Posts: 4641
- Joined: Fri May 19, 2006 3:51 pm
- Location: I am the voice inside your head
Hmm, intresting start, its good to hear a plausable reason for a whitch elf with a child for once as most people tend to be a little vauge when they bring that up in their work. Realy just to say well done as I know that it can be depressing to write and not hear anything from anyone but I enjoyed it. I don't know when I will be on to read again but when I am I will look this up.
Moding a group of Druchii.net players is much like directing the musical 'Cats' using actual cats. Frustrating, difficult, chaotic but ultimatley satisfying and a great deal of fun.
Arch Deacon of the RPG forum
Gentleman of Moderation
Arch Deacon of the RPG forum
Gentleman of Moderation
Chapter 2 - Deadly Consequences
Makra and Vespith sat in silence. No one knew what to say. The tension in the silent room was great, the baby however interrupted with a small gurgle from it’s throat. Makra was the first to speak.
“What are you going to do now with the child? He can’t stay with you,” Makra’s ears prickled as he heard the small sound from the outside the room, “Your execution is now imminent.”
Vespith laughed nervously, “But surely if we just kill the child now, our lives will be secure?”
Makra frowned before sitting upon a crate containing oranges, “I understand you are tired and not of the right mind, but your son is blessed! Just look at the mark on his chest for Khaines sake!”
Vespith glared at Kaedhron, her eyes fixed on the glowing rune which vexed her so. Another small noise came from outside but the group paid it no heed.
“So you won’t kill Kaedhron?” sighed Vespith, her hand trembling slightly.
“I simply can’t. I have an idea however,” Makra stood up again, his robe flowing quickly around him, “Give me the child, I’ll take it away from your world. I’ll train him in the arts of Khaine. You’ll have nothing to do with him, your life will be safe. I’ll take your burden Vespith, he shall be the son I never had.” Makra smiled gently.
Vespith considered the proposition for a moment, her face clouding over slightly. With a large exhale, Vespith nodded her head gently. Makra smiled again before walking over to where the baby lay.
“Wait!” snarled Vespith, her hand grabbing the throat of Makra and pushing him back, “If you take this child and train him... I want you to punish him. I want you to be harsh as well as strict. He shall be sorry for the day he ever came into my world. One day, I will see my son again... and when I do, he will be a fear to all who dare threaten him. Swear it Makra, swear on the true name of Khaine that you will do this for me.”
Makra bit his lip, no one had ever asked him to undertake such a task. Swallowing his pride, Makra bent down next to Vespith and whispered the oath in her ear. As Makra stood back up, Vespith noticed the blood had left Makra’s face, he was dreadfully pale.
“You’ve made the right choice Makra.” Vespith coughed violently as she finished her sentence.
Suddenly, the noise from outside grew louder. The rooms occupants turned towards the door. A large splash came from outside the door.
“The liquid door has given way! We have a breach!” the Druchii in the apron picked up the crossbow which lay next to the door before hurrying across to the door. Cautiously sliding the panel back, the Druchii stuck the crossbow through the grate before looking with his eyes. A bolt of lightning crackled through the grate and plummeted into the Druchii’s eye sockets. The door suddenly exploded in a blue flame and before Makra could react, a shadow had stepped through the doorway and into the room.
“Hello, my pretty precious.” Edion Kara emerged through the smoke, blood splattered all across the front of his armour.
Makra reached into his robe and withdrew a dagger with a large, blood red opal in the pommel. As quick as an eagle, Makra dived at Edion with the dagger held close to his back. With a sweeping motion, Makra slashed with the dagger at the knee of Edion. The dreadmarshal was to quick however and bent down low and caught the wrist of Makra, crushing it with magically enhanced strength. Edion allowed a brief chuckle to slip past his lips before looking at the dagger itself.
“My dear Makra, were you trying to sacrifice me to Khaine? I’ve heard about the power of the weapons you forge, especially this little thing which you just tried to gut me with. Apparently, one little nick of the skin with this blade will capture a soul. Let’s see if it works, shall we?”
Within an instant, Edion had snatched the blade from Makra and was already pushing it towards Makra. The sweat was already rolling down Makra’s face and just as the dagger was a single centimetre from his skin, Makra released his grip and let Edion fall into him. With the agility of a master assassin, Makra had flipped himself over the falling body of Edion and was already putting his arms around the dread marshals neck. Before Makra could even think of snapping the spine of his foe, Edion merely fell through the floor, completely disappearing from sight. Makra sat on the floor flabbergasted, for a moment he thought he had defeated him until a leg came out of nowhere from behind and struck him in the temple. Makra flew across the room, his mind spinning out of control. The shock of the blow left Makra stunned and clinging the side of his now bleeding forehead.
Edion laughed before turning to face Vespith.
“Show me my son, Vespith. I’d like to see if he is a healthy child.” reaching forward, Edion unwrapped the cloth which concealed Kaedhron.
“What is this!?” growled Edion, shocked at seeing the rune of Khaine upon Kaedhron chest.
Makra had stood himself up by now and his mind had stopped spinning. Sprinting forward, Makra delivered a quick knee in the ribs to Edion. As Edion crumbled to the side of the room, Makra snatched up Kaedhron in his arms. Reaching into his robes, Makra withdrew a small cube before dropping it at his feet. Edion recovered quickly and fired an inferno of ice at the vacant Makra. However, the two were gone. Both Makra and Kaedhron had disappeared before the blizzard had reached them. As the ice and snow cleared, a small cloud of smoke could only be seen, as well as a few droplets of blood.
***
I kinda rushed this story so cut me some slack.
Makra and Vespith sat in silence. No one knew what to say. The tension in the silent room was great, the baby however interrupted with a small gurgle from it’s throat. Makra was the first to speak.
“What are you going to do now with the child? He can’t stay with you,” Makra’s ears prickled as he heard the small sound from the outside the room, “Your execution is now imminent.”
Vespith laughed nervously, “But surely if we just kill the child now, our lives will be secure?”
Makra frowned before sitting upon a crate containing oranges, “I understand you are tired and not of the right mind, but your son is blessed! Just look at the mark on his chest for Khaines sake!”
Vespith glared at Kaedhron, her eyes fixed on the glowing rune which vexed her so. Another small noise came from outside but the group paid it no heed.
“So you won’t kill Kaedhron?” sighed Vespith, her hand trembling slightly.
“I simply can’t. I have an idea however,” Makra stood up again, his robe flowing quickly around him, “Give me the child, I’ll take it away from your world. I’ll train him in the arts of Khaine. You’ll have nothing to do with him, your life will be safe. I’ll take your burden Vespith, he shall be the son I never had.” Makra smiled gently.
Vespith considered the proposition for a moment, her face clouding over slightly. With a large exhale, Vespith nodded her head gently. Makra smiled again before walking over to where the baby lay.
“Wait!” snarled Vespith, her hand grabbing the throat of Makra and pushing him back, “If you take this child and train him... I want you to punish him. I want you to be harsh as well as strict. He shall be sorry for the day he ever came into my world. One day, I will see my son again... and when I do, he will be a fear to all who dare threaten him. Swear it Makra, swear on the true name of Khaine that you will do this for me.”
Makra bit his lip, no one had ever asked him to undertake such a task. Swallowing his pride, Makra bent down next to Vespith and whispered the oath in her ear. As Makra stood back up, Vespith noticed the blood had left Makra’s face, he was dreadfully pale.
“You’ve made the right choice Makra.” Vespith coughed violently as she finished her sentence.
Suddenly, the noise from outside grew louder. The rooms occupants turned towards the door. A large splash came from outside the door.
“The liquid door has given way! We have a breach!” the Druchii in the apron picked up the crossbow which lay next to the door before hurrying across to the door. Cautiously sliding the panel back, the Druchii stuck the crossbow through the grate before looking with his eyes. A bolt of lightning crackled through the grate and plummeted into the Druchii’s eye sockets. The door suddenly exploded in a blue flame and before Makra could react, a shadow had stepped through the doorway and into the room.
“Hello, my pretty precious.” Edion Kara emerged through the smoke, blood splattered all across the front of his armour.
Makra reached into his robe and withdrew a dagger with a large, blood red opal in the pommel. As quick as an eagle, Makra dived at Edion with the dagger held close to his back. With a sweeping motion, Makra slashed with the dagger at the knee of Edion. The dreadmarshal was to quick however and bent down low and caught the wrist of Makra, crushing it with magically enhanced strength. Edion allowed a brief chuckle to slip past his lips before looking at the dagger itself.
“My dear Makra, were you trying to sacrifice me to Khaine? I’ve heard about the power of the weapons you forge, especially this little thing which you just tried to gut me with. Apparently, one little nick of the skin with this blade will capture a soul. Let’s see if it works, shall we?”
Within an instant, Edion had snatched the blade from Makra and was already pushing it towards Makra. The sweat was already rolling down Makra’s face and just as the dagger was a single centimetre from his skin, Makra released his grip and let Edion fall into him. With the agility of a master assassin, Makra had flipped himself over the falling body of Edion and was already putting his arms around the dread marshals neck. Before Makra could even think of snapping the spine of his foe, Edion merely fell through the floor, completely disappearing from sight. Makra sat on the floor flabbergasted, for a moment he thought he had defeated him until a leg came out of nowhere from behind and struck him in the temple. Makra flew across the room, his mind spinning out of control. The shock of the blow left Makra stunned and clinging the side of his now bleeding forehead.
Edion laughed before turning to face Vespith.
“Show me my son, Vespith. I’d like to see if he is a healthy child.” reaching forward, Edion unwrapped the cloth which concealed Kaedhron.
“What is this!?” growled Edion, shocked at seeing the rune of Khaine upon Kaedhron chest.
Makra had stood himself up by now and his mind had stopped spinning. Sprinting forward, Makra delivered a quick knee in the ribs to Edion. As Edion crumbled to the side of the room, Makra snatched up Kaedhron in his arms. Reaching into his robes, Makra withdrew a small cube before dropping it at his feet. Edion recovered quickly and fired an inferno of ice at the vacant Makra. However, the two were gone. Both Makra and Kaedhron had disappeared before the blizzard had reached them. As the ice and snow cleared, a small cloud of smoke could only be seen, as well as a few droplets of blood.
***
I kinda rushed this story so cut me some slack.
Saldrimek Xenan - WS6 / S4 / T3 / D5 / I3
Equipment: Executioners Axe (Rune of Beastslaying - Heroic Killing Blow), 2 Scimitars (Rune of Speed - Always Strike First), Dagger, Rune Branded Leather Armour, Executioner Helm, Fine Set of Throwing Knives (x4)
Inventory: Amulet of Darkness, Poison Vials x7, Deadly Poison Vials x8
Mount: Dark Steed
Gold: 163
Skills: Ambidexterity, Frenzy, Two Weapon Fighting, Ride
Class: Khainite
Equipment: Executioners Axe (Rune of Beastslaying - Heroic Killing Blow), 2 Scimitars (Rune of Speed - Always Strike First), Dagger, Rune Branded Leather Armour, Executioner Helm, Fine Set of Throwing Knives (x4)
Inventory: Amulet of Darkness, Poison Vials x7, Deadly Poison Vials x8
Mount: Dark Steed
Gold: 163
Skills: Ambidexterity, Frenzy, Two Weapon Fighting, Ride
Class: Khainite
-
Confuseddreadlord
- Slave on the Altar
- Posts: 4
- Joined: Sat Dec 13, 2008 9:04 pm
Thanks for the kind remarks. If you're looking for stories which totally suck you in leave you drooling for more then look here, here and here.
Oh, and here.
*When clicking the heres, click in order of first to last*
Oh, and here.
*When clicking the heres, click in order of first to last*
Saldrimek Xenan - WS6 / S4 / T3 / D5 / I3
Equipment: Executioners Axe (Rune of Beastslaying - Heroic Killing Blow), 2 Scimitars (Rune of Speed - Always Strike First), Dagger, Rune Branded Leather Armour, Executioner Helm, Fine Set of Throwing Knives (x4)
Inventory: Amulet of Darkness, Poison Vials x7, Deadly Poison Vials x8
Mount: Dark Steed
Gold: 163
Skills: Ambidexterity, Frenzy, Two Weapon Fighting, Ride
Class: Khainite
Equipment: Executioners Axe (Rune of Beastslaying - Heroic Killing Blow), 2 Scimitars (Rune of Speed - Always Strike First), Dagger, Rune Branded Leather Armour, Executioner Helm, Fine Set of Throwing Knives (x4)
Inventory: Amulet of Darkness, Poison Vials x7, Deadly Poison Vials x8
Mount: Dark Steed
Gold: 163
Skills: Ambidexterity, Frenzy, Two Weapon Fighting, Ride
Class: Khainite
-
Confuseddreadlord
- Slave on the Altar
- Posts: 4
- Joined: Sat Dec 13, 2008 9:04 pm
It was as quiet as the grave in the landscape of Naggaroth. The only sound that could be heard was the occasional twitter of birds or the distant scream. A loud crack interrupted the serenity when Makra and the baby Kaedhron materialised out of mid air. Falling to his knees, Makra quickly checked Kaedhron over for any wounds. To his relief, the only wound was on himself where the blizzard had torn away at his thigh. Innumerable ice shards punctured the flesh and muscle of his thigh and with little effort, Makra begun to pull them carelessly from his blood soaked leg. Wincing in pain, Makra looked back down at Kaedhron. The baby was sleeping peacefully to his surprise while he gazed down at the rune of Khaine.
Turning around, Makra sighed deeply as he spotted the distant spires of Har Ganeth. His escape was meant to take him and Kaedhron to the outskirts of Clar Karond. Pulling a scroll from his sleeve, opening it before gripping Kaedhron tighter. Unfortunately, Makra wasn’t so sure if it was safe to expose Kaedhron to the dark energies which was included in this sort of travel. Throwing fear to the wind, Makra released the scrolls energies and the two elves were again thrown into a bubble of darkness.
Reappeared once again, the two materialised behind a crooked tree. The sound of slaves and the toil came immediately to Makras ears. Stepping out from behind the tree, Makra found himself on the huge stone pathway which lead to the main gateway of Clar Karond. Thousands of slaves were being herded along the pathway, flesh blood splattering the stained pathway as their backs were whipped. Makra smiled down upon Kaedhron.
“This is where your life shall really start. You shall be learned in the darkest of Khaines art. The great library of Clar Karond is second to the library of Khaine at Har Ganeth. We’re not safe anymore at the city of Executioners so this is where we’ll start anew.” Makra stroked the rune of Khaine on Kaedhrons chest.
“Oi! Who are you talking to!?” questioned a nearby slave master.
“None of your business worm!” spat Makra, eyeing the slave master coldly.
The slave master was almost offended by this but he merely turned back to his job. Turning around himself, Makra strode towards the huge gateway of Clar Karond, Kaedhron cradled in his arms.
***
It shall come to pass that a son who shouldn’t be, will ascend
He shall be smitten by many and death shall bloom as he strides ever onwards
The blessed will meet his doom from no sword, arrow or magic but from the gods themselves
And the darkness shall envelop him, he shall be reborn a darker being, while his soul forfeit to Khaela Mensha Khaine from the day he was born
The Prophecy of Ruin
Turning around, Makra sighed deeply as he spotted the distant spires of Har Ganeth. His escape was meant to take him and Kaedhron to the outskirts of Clar Karond. Pulling a scroll from his sleeve, opening it before gripping Kaedhron tighter. Unfortunately, Makra wasn’t so sure if it was safe to expose Kaedhron to the dark energies which was included in this sort of travel. Throwing fear to the wind, Makra released the scrolls energies and the two elves were again thrown into a bubble of darkness.
Reappeared once again, the two materialised behind a crooked tree. The sound of slaves and the toil came immediately to Makras ears. Stepping out from behind the tree, Makra found himself on the huge stone pathway which lead to the main gateway of Clar Karond. Thousands of slaves were being herded along the pathway, flesh blood splattering the stained pathway as their backs were whipped. Makra smiled down upon Kaedhron.
“This is where your life shall really start. You shall be learned in the darkest of Khaines art. The great library of Clar Karond is second to the library of Khaine at Har Ganeth. We’re not safe anymore at the city of Executioners so this is where we’ll start anew.” Makra stroked the rune of Khaine on Kaedhrons chest.
“Oi! Who are you talking to!?” questioned a nearby slave master.
“None of your business worm!” spat Makra, eyeing the slave master coldly.
The slave master was almost offended by this but he merely turned back to his job. Turning around himself, Makra strode towards the huge gateway of Clar Karond, Kaedhron cradled in his arms.
***
It shall come to pass that a son who shouldn’t be, will ascend
He shall be smitten by many and death shall bloom as he strides ever onwards
The blessed will meet his doom from no sword, arrow or magic but from the gods themselves
And the darkness shall envelop him, he shall be reborn a darker being, while his soul forfeit to Khaela Mensha Khaine from the day he was born
The Prophecy of Ruin
Saldrimek Xenan - WS6 / S4 / T3 / D5 / I3
Equipment: Executioners Axe (Rune of Beastslaying - Heroic Killing Blow), 2 Scimitars (Rune of Speed - Always Strike First), Dagger, Rune Branded Leather Armour, Executioner Helm, Fine Set of Throwing Knives (x4)
Inventory: Amulet of Darkness, Poison Vials x7, Deadly Poison Vials x8
Mount: Dark Steed
Gold: 163
Skills: Ambidexterity, Frenzy, Two Weapon Fighting, Ride
Class: Khainite
Equipment: Executioners Axe (Rune of Beastslaying - Heroic Killing Blow), 2 Scimitars (Rune of Speed - Always Strike First), Dagger, Rune Branded Leather Armour, Executioner Helm, Fine Set of Throwing Knives (x4)
Inventory: Amulet of Darkness, Poison Vials x7, Deadly Poison Vials x8
Mount: Dark Steed
Gold: 163
Skills: Ambidexterity, Frenzy, Two Weapon Fighting, Ride
Class: Khainite
. I'd love to hear more!
All right, khel. I read your story and it is really good. Best of all, it kept me interested. But there are some things I didn't understand.
Of objected?
First, do you say much more cleverer? "Much more" already sais it? Then, the narrator sais Edion is stupid, but then the narrator sais he is cleverer than he looked. If you think you have authority but you really do not then you become a subject for irony, and that's not very good. I can't fit it in.
By the way, good that we do not know who's talking. Creates a dramatic effect as you mention Vespith first thing. And we do not know if it was really her talking so it is exciting and mysterious too.
You are a devil at inventing good names! How do you do? Makra and Edion Kara are very good. Edion Kara really sounds like an authority and Makra sounds like a person who has secret, evil plans.
Good characters too. All are interesting.
This didn't make sense to me really. To her, it is obvious that he is blackmailing her so she should growl "what do you want" instead. Blackmailing must be a common thing in dark elf society and therefore be obvious to them?
Think I should remark on this.
I loved it when Makra cut his palm open to open the door! Cuts across the palm are typical battlewounds, so it sais something about dark elf society. But this very thing, the palm slicing, has become a bit clichée. So it is used in strange contexts which is bad. But here, as I said, you use it well and I suppose you don't use it as a clichée from the other things you so splendidly have described.
I like Makra, but it doesn't make sense to me that he should kill off his entire trainees. More likely, if a fight between two assassins is even then he will accept them both, or else he wastes a good fighter. But otherwise, cool guy.
This subtle speech is very good, especially Vespith's smile that gives away her intentions to Edion. Shows just how secret you have to be in dark elf society and that they know "knowledge is power". Naggaroth sure is a dangerous place, that comes through in your story.
Do you know the name for this metal plate around the door handle? One could do interesting things with it, for example a strong face cast on it that ogles frightfully at the handle! It would show that whoever uses the handle will be doomed!
Good story, I enjoyed it.
I could of objected from having to hear what he had to propose.
Of objected?
He had only just came into power and he was exacting his authority over me which he thought he had plenty of. He was wrong, the stupid fool that he was.
However, he was much more cleverer than he looked.
First, do you say much more cleverer? "Much more" already sais it? Then, the narrator sais Edion is stupid, but then the narrator sais he is cleverer than he looked. If you think you have authority but you really do not then you become a subject for irony, and that's not very good. I can't fit it in.
By the way, good that we do not know who's talking. Creates a dramatic effect as you mention Vespith first thing. And we do not know if it was really her talking so it is exciting and mysterious too.
You are a devil at inventing good names! How do you do? Makra and Edion Kara are very good. Edion Kara really sounds like an authority and Makra sounds like a person who has secret, evil plans.
Good characters too. All are interesting.
“I take it you’re trying to blackmail me?” Vespith growled as she took her seat once again.
This didn't make sense to me really. To her, it is obvious that he is blackmailing her so she should growl "what do you want" instead. Blackmailing must be a common thing in dark elf society and therefore be obvious to them?
A retainer stood walked next to Makra
Think I should remark on this.
I loved it when Makra cut his palm open to open the door! Cuts across the palm are typical battlewounds, so it sais something about dark elf society. But this very thing, the palm slicing, has become a bit clichée. So it is used in strange contexts which is bad. But here, as I said, you use it well and I suppose you don't use it as a clichée from the other things you so splendidly have described.
I like Makra, but it doesn't make sense to me that he should kill off his entire trainees. More likely, if a fight between two assassins is even then he will accept them both, or else he wastes a good fighter. But otherwise, cool guy.
This subtle speech is very good, especially Vespith's smile that gives away her intentions to Edion. Shows just how secret you have to be in dark elf society and that they know "knowledge is power". Naggaroth sure is a dangerous place, that comes through in your story.
Do you know the name for this metal plate around the door handle? One could do interesting things with it, for example a strong face cast on it that ogles frightfully at the handle! It would show that whoever uses the handle will be doomed!
Good story, I enjoyed it.
Of objected?
I'm ashamed to say it but I don't usually read over my story again once I've written. I give it a quick run down with my eyes for spell checking (my stupid mac doesn't have a punctuation check either
) I gotta learn to actually read, word for word, over my stories.First, do you say much more cleverer? "Much more" already sais it? Then, the narrator sais Edion is stupid, but then the narrator sais he is cleverer than he looked. If you think you have authority but you really do not then you become a subject for irony, and that's not very good. I can't fit it in.
I don't want to reveal to much but I can say that Vespith said he was a stupid fool as an opinion (Edion Kara isn't a fool at all, Vespith just despises him). But she acknowledged right after that he was smarter than he looked (not exactly in those words however). I'm actually one for irony and I try to put it into my stories. The title of this story I saw as something which could contain irony.
Saint of Khaine. I've always seen a saint as someone who performs good things and has a clear conscious before they ascend and become a saint themselves. However, being a saint of Khaine is a different story. I hope you see what I mean, I'm feeling a bit woozy at the moment.
By the way, good that we do not know who's talking. Creates a dramatic effect as you mention Vespith first thing. And we do not know if it was really her talking so it is exciting and mysterious too.
Great work for catching onto it. There shall be a surprise about that first piece of script.
This didn't make sense to me really. To her, it is obvious that he is blackmailing her so she should growl "what do you want" instead. Blackmailing must be a common thing in dark elf society and therefore be obvious to them?
You'd think blackmail is a common thing in Naggaroth but you don't exactly hear about it, do you? Growl was probably the wrong word now that I think about it. Perhaps I should of made it "I take it you're trying to blackmail me?" sighed Vespith, massaging her temples as she flopped back into her chair.
This could show that she has already played a game like this before with others cunning Druchii.
You are a devil at inventing good names! How do you do? Makra and Edion Kara are very good. Edion Kara really sounds like an authority and Makra sounds like a person who has secret, evil plans.
Cheers. I try to think up names which sound good backwards as well. I even role play them in my own lounge room if I have to. With Edion Kara, I had already chosen his first name but I needed a last name which really got his character across. With my last names, I try to get them sounding Russian. I roll the name a few times off my tongue in a Russian accent to see if I got it correct. I think I did in this case.
I like Makra, but it doesn't make sense to me that he should kill off his entire trainees. More likely, if a fight between two assassins is even then he will accept them both, or else he wastes a good fighter. But otherwise, cool guy.
Mind you, a class of elites is usually filled with around 8-10 students.
Do you know the name for this metal plate around the door handle? One could do interesting things with it, for example a strong face cast on it that ogles frightfully at the handle! It would show that whoever uses the handle will be doomed!
Thanks for the idea. I'll try to implement it and other such ideas in my future stories.
Saldrimek Xenan - WS6 / S4 / T3 / D5 / I3
Equipment: Executioners Axe (Rune of Beastslaying - Heroic Killing Blow), 2 Scimitars (Rune of Speed - Always Strike First), Dagger, Rune Branded Leather Armour, Executioner Helm, Fine Set of Throwing Knives (x4)
Inventory: Amulet of Darkness, Poison Vials x7, Deadly Poison Vials x8
Mount: Dark Steed
Gold: 163
Skills: Ambidexterity, Frenzy, Two Weapon Fighting, Ride
Class: Khainite
Equipment: Executioners Axe (Rune of Beastslaying - Heroic Killing Blow), 2 Scimitars (Rune of Speed - Always Strike First), Dagger, Rune Branded Leather Armour, Executioner Helm, Fine Set of Throwing Knives (x4)
Inventory: Amulet of Darkness, Poison Vials x7, Deadly Poison Vials x8
Mount: Dark Steed
Gold: 163
Skills: Ambidexterity, Frenzy, Two Weapon Fighting, Ride
Class: Khainite
Do you know the actual name of the thing? Doorpiece or what is it called? 
I have thought of calling my druchii romanian names. Russian, that's cool too.
Btw the birthmark is a bit clichée. I have an interesting idea about the birthmark, too: what would you say about the birthmark looking like a brand? So khaine branded the soul before it incarnated, the person is his slave. I don't know if it fits your story but that would certainly be interesting and in context with your idea about macabre.
I have reasoned about being a saint of khaine too. I see the dark elves as knowing what is good and actively doing the opposite, so they are a macabre race. While I see ordinary, "unfavoured" dark elves as intentional liars a saint of khaine is honest. Khaine is the lord of murder so a saint of khaine is someone who murders people, knowing it is wrong to do so since he is a high elf descendant but intentionally doing the opposite of good. Ok, small rant there. To me, such a person takes action, always aimed at killing someone.
But if we inverse this birthmark thing. Assume that the child has a brand, which is then a birthmark since it was there from his birth. So he is a slave of khaine. I get this awesome mental picture of the person suffering. The will of khaine was probably born with him from the start in the form of genetical faults, so he suffers from physical and mental torture and is forced to live a life in disgrace, since Vespith and her friends are well-shaped and intelligent. The slave can be intelligent, too, so that he will know all his sufferings. Which makes him more macabre. How about that? That's the inverse of this clichée hero figure. He is an inverse anti-hero? The opposite of the son of satan in "the omen"? What do you think, does it sound interesting?
I have thought of calling my druchii romanian names. Russian, that's cool too.
Btw the birthmark is a bit clichée. I have an interesting idea about the birthmark, too: what would you say about the birthmark looking like a brand? So khaine branded the soul before it incarnated, the person is his slave. I don't know if it fits your story but that would certainly be interesting and in context with your idea about macabre.
I have reasoned about being a saint of khaine too. I see the dark elves as knowing what is good and actively doing the opposite, so they are a macabre race. While I see ordinary, "unfavoured" dark elves as intentional liars a saint of khaine is honest. Khaine is the lord of murder so a saint of khaine is someone who murders people, knowing it is wrong to do so since he is a high elf descendant but intentionally doing the opposite of good. Ok, small rant there. To me, such a person takes action, always aimed at killing someone.
But if we inverse this birthmark thing. Assume that the child has a brand, which is then a birthmark since it was there from his birth. So he is a slave of khaine. I get this awesome mental picture of the person suffering. The will of khaine was probably born with him from the start in the form of genetical faults, so he suffers from physical and mental torture and is forced to live a life in disgrace, since Vespith and her friends are well-shaped and intelligent. The slave can be intelligent, too, so that he will know all his sufferings. Which makes him more macabre. How about that? That's the inverse of this clichée hero figure. He is an inverse anti-hero? The opposite of the son of satan in "the omen"? What do you think, does it sound interesting?
Nice job out there, waiting for more!
@ Uruthi: The druchii aren't evil any more than, for example, an Empire man or a high elf. They just act with less thinking about consequences. Some of them become skilled at restraining themselves but just like to cause pain and shed blood. That is evil. Whether you're good or evil depends on your point of view.
@ Uruthi: The druchii aren't evil any more than, for example, an Empire man or a high elf. They just act with less thinking about consequences. Some of them become skilled at restraining themselves but just like to cause pain and shed blood. That is evil. Whether you're good or evil depends on your point of view.
So khaine branded the soul before it incarnated, the person is his slave.So khaine branded the soul before it incarnated, the person is his slave.
Read the Prophecy of Ruin. It's at the very end of the latest story. The very last line shows what he truly is: Kaedhron is as much a slave to Khaine as a servant. I mean, you don't think the birthmark would come without a price? People get branded within the temple with the Runes of Khaine while Kaedhron was born with it.
I rushed this reply because of Christmas and such. I'll be back to answer properly in a day or so, I'll also have the answer to your doorknob question.
Saldrimek Xenan - WS6 / S4 / T3 / D5 / I3
Equipment: Executioners Axe (Rune of Beastslaying - Heroic Killing Blow), 2 Scimitars (Rune of Speed - Always Strike First), Dagger, Rune Branded Leather Armour, Executioner Helm, Fine Set of Throwing Knives (x4)
Inventory: Amulet of Darkness, Poison Vials x7, Deadly Poison Vials x8
Mount: Dark Steed
Gold: 163
Skills: Ambidexterity, Frenzy, Two Weapon Fighting, Ride
Class: Khainite
Equipment: Executioners Axe (Rune of Beastslaying - Heroic Killing Blow), 2 Scimitars (Rune of Speed - Always Strike First), Dagger, Rune Branded Leather Armour, Executioner Helm, Fine Set of Throwing Knives (x4)
Inventory: Amulet of Darkness, Poison Vials x7, Deadly Poison Vials x8
Mount: Dark Steed
Gold: 163
Skills: Ambidexterity, Frenzy, Two Weapon Fighting, Ride
Class: Khainite