Need input on a few paragraphs on a story

[Saintofm]

Not done with the epic tale of epicness, and it only tangentially has anything to do with dark elves BUT I have a scene where the chosen of Chaos are marching through a high elf city street, and I want the right amount of intimidation.

Please tell me where I can improve on this. Here's the paragraphs in question:


All who saw this marching phalanx prayed for Isha, the mother goddess of the elves, to protect them, for doom incarnate was making it’s way towards them. All were encased with heavy armor, and all bore an aura of bloodshed unmatched by meager mortal. Where they stepped puddles of blood emerged, drenching the ground before they could use those deftly crafted halberds in their hands. Proudly they moved forward, their thick armor of red and brass etchings thick enough to shrug off an ogre’s punch. Trinkets and insignia in the form of an intricate ax blade on their shoulders and helms on all save for a champion of the dark gods who left his face exposed to the elements.

This was no comfort as his face was covered in small horn buds, wide black tattoos, and fire emanating from his eyes. He was among the closest things the barbarians of the northlands had to nobility; a warrior of unparalleled prowess that ascension in their lord’s favor was all but certain. These were the Chosen Warriors of Khorn, and they were heralding their wrathful god’s coming with bloodshed.

Angelosa counted at least twenty, but the rumbling of feet told him there were more in the red mist that shrouded them. Taking in a deep breath, he marched to the forefront.

“I will not command my warriors to do something I am unwilling to do myself. Fight till Nethu must do more than play a pretty tune on his harp to lure you from your corpses!”All in earshot roared with courage, though many were still grateful they had relieved themselves when they had.

The steady pace of the chosen did not change, always a calm pace. Though the greater part of a storm was coming, it was coming at its own leisure. Most stood their ground; some lost their nerve and ran back, the hours of constant battle on these citizen soldiers taking their toll. Others rushed to their deaths, gallantly charging their enemy. Yet death was their only reward. These brutes may have been the servants of a god of mindless rage, but they lacked the wild bravado of the marauders or the savage furry of their less fortunate comrades in arms. Instead they had skill, determination, and pride of having lived through a thousand battles and come out on top every time. They had experience, and only waited for one final blessing to make them truly more than mortal men, or begin their decent into spawndom.

[Raven_halo]

I think you have done well in describing the look of the warriors which certainly contributes to the feeling of intimidation. But I think the best way to create a sense of intimidation is to let the readers know what makes these warriors so fierce, and I think the easiest way to do that is include very detailed battle scenes with all the glory details.

[Saintofm]

I think you have done well in describing the look of the warriors which certainly contributes to the feeling of intimidation. But I think the best way to create a sense of intimidation is to let the readers know what makes these warriors so fierce, and I think the easiest way to do that is include very detailed battle scenes with all the glory details.

Thanks

I got that. Basically after this, an ogre man eater that is hanging out with the elves fires a pistol round at them, and one of them catches it and grinds it to dust. Soon after they fight, fighting many elves, including five that just swat sword masters and spearmen away left and right like bugs.

There is also a scene where when fighting, one of the chosen accidental hits a comrade, the comrade drops his halberd and crushes his foe's helm, head still inside, until black blood oozed out (he was having a bad day).